it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
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It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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