tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
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No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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