She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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