don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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