i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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