I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize