i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
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So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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