I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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