My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
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He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
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Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
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