when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
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she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
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Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I know her cup size but not her name....
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