I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize