i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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