I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
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According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
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He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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