I just saw a hot homeless man
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
my liver is dry heaving
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize