All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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