the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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