I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
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Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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