so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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