its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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