I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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