So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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