I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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