Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We're too hungover to prance.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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