There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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