hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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