...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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