if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize