12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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