Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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