I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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