Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
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How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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