Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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