I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize