im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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