If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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