My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
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Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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