I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
there was a trapeze. enough said
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
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Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
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And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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