just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
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i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
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I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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