I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
im holly from the hills drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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