that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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