You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
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We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
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I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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