Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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