I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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