I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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