you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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