Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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