I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
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Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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