he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
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I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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