So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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