your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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